My story as an artist without mind senses!

I didn’t always know I was different but somehow I could tell I saw the world in a different way. To me, art and painting was always special. I enjoyed being able to bring to life, by putting on paper what I imagined in my head. I just didn’t know most people were doing that in their minds, but I could only do it on paper

I actually spend many years without any clue my mind worked in a different way, it was when I was in high school, on the art path that a teacher once came up with a mind exercise. I really couldn’t understand much of it… She asked us to imagine something and then made several questions to what we imagined, to know what we saw in our minds… I was shocked to some of the detailed questions and I really didn’t have an answer, but I was even more shocked no one else seemed to have a problem with it! I ended inventing the answers as I started to wonder if I was somehow mentally disabled 😳😭

I could not deal with it and happily decided to never mention it to anyone 😅 ever!! 🤷‍♀️

I didn’t really let it worry me at all, as I buried it deep in my mind … and it didn’t become an issue again on my art and fashion design studies!

But somehow over the years, as I became a watercolor artist, I wondered why I always had such a hard time making the best of my art.

I can create beautiful art, but then I have trouble putting it together to look prettier 😅

And it’s always hard for me to use the art in different ways from what I originally created it for.

Over a year ago, I found an article online that talked about it, and I immediately thought it could be what happened to me! 😱 As I found more information on aphantasia I discovered an easy test to figure it out.

You had to see/ imagine an apple and compare what you saw with this image. Later I found some people can do this with closed or open eyes , but If you just can’t see it at all you have aphantasia!

Honestly, to me it sounds like a superpower!! See things that are not there?? Sounds like magic 😁

As I found out, I sure had it, and yes! It’s a self done test! No doctor is going to help you here… I went through many emotions, wondering why I was different, and having a hard time believing others could do these things!!

It turns out only about 4% of the population has aphantasia( but this number may change, since many people never notice they are different, so they don’t know…)

A few days later I was brave enough to test my family and go find out if I was alone in this, or as explained on the internet, it was a genetic thing that run into families

I was surprised to find my mom has it too, but not my sister 😱😱😱 And my family was even more shocked about it! 😅 My mom though I was making it all up and lying, and then she thought surely it couldn’t be that almost everyone could see things

And my sister was very surprised to find out we were so different in our minds!

What is Aphantasia?

It’s the lack of sense of sight in your mind, It turns out aphantasia is a neurodivergence, like many other conditions, it’s not a sickness, just a different way of your mind to work.

Keep in mind it’s barely been investigated , so there isn’t much know yet about it!! It seems to be genetic and not something that can be easily fixed with any procedure or medication

Basically it’s the inability of seeing images in your mind, eyes open or closed, when you think about something or someone you don’t see a photo or video in your mind, you are just thinking about it

Many people ask me if I dont have Imagination?!

When I explain about my aphantasia, I always get this question 😅 but of course I have imagination, I can imagine many things, I just don’t see them

It is why often, when I imagine what a future collection of stickers I want to do, that I will make a quick drawing on a notebook. This way, I will remember my ideas and use it as reference , specially since it may take me months ( and sometimes years) to finish these artworks and turn it into stickers 😅

So my imagination is actually invisible! To see what I imagine I have to paint it or make it!

😁 I am told , making your imagination invisible is really difficult for people that can see things in their mind…

What is Full or total Aphantasia?

As I keep learning on my neurodivergence I found out I had what others call total or full aphantasia. Keep in mind this term hasn’t been created by doctors yet, since it’s not been properly investigated , it has yet to get an official name! But what is it?

Well, not only I lack the imaginary sense of sight, but I’m also missing the other mind senses too! 😱😳😅 Apparently people are capable of hearing musical concerts in their minds, taste their favorite foods or smell things at will in their mind! They can also feel how it would be to touch something too 😱

What’s interesting, is that all these mind senses are on a spectrum, so some people are capable of doing more of these awesome things that others! But what’s even more interesting is that people rarely speak of these things so they don’t know that their family and friends may be different! 😱

I found there are other much more rare mind senses, but these are much less common… like feeling pain for example

So people affected by the lack of mind senses decided on the name of total or full aphantasia to refer to the lack of all mind senses, actually only two lack of senses had been named by doctors, and no one is going to learn 5 or more names for one condition!

How has this changed me?

Knowing about this has helped me understand many things that before I couldn’t get or thought them to be metaphors! It turns out not everything is a metaphor …

Now I see examples everywhere and understand the mind references of things I just can’t do! But I also see the benefits that my aphantasia has gifted me 💕 like not having images of the things that scare me or being able to fully remember the bad things that happened to me

I have become more mindful about these things , but also so much more grateful. And it has helped me understand why my art it’s different and why I work the way I do

But would I change it?

I’m not sure if I could stop having aphantasia and have my mind senses, if I would want them! I really like that my mind it’s so easy to clear and so peaceful to be in! Getting constant images in my mind sounds pretty overwhelming and quite intrusive too 😅

It would be nice to be able to look or see into my memories, as I found people have movie videos in their minds of them, but I only have the story I remember and vaguely some idea of an image, but not a visual one, just an invisible image…

But overall Im pretty happy with my aphantasia and I enjoy being different. Plus it also makes my art more unique 💕

You can see my amazing art in my shop that I turn into stickers